Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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