so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
