You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
