he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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