And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
