he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
