and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
