I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
