:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
