Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
