it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Two words: blizzard sex
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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