meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
