Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
