It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
