"it" just moved
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
