he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize