I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
