there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
