I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
