went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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