Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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