my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it was like eating out sand paper
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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