yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
