where am i from again
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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