he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
