whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
