I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
