i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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