this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
