That's intense
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
