I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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