i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
