This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
