I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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