I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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