I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize