Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
