there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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