You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
