just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize