The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You ruined the universe
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
