he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
