home. puking in laundry basket.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
