Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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