I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
