they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
