Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
True strength comes from lack of pants
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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