Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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