I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
