two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
