Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just puked most of my soul out..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
