i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
