The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
