You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
