wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
