You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
