hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
