I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
