fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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