What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
