I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So vagazzling was a success
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
