there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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