Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it's like iHOP with fire
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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