it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
