Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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