i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
