your thong is hanging out like whoa
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
