can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
