He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
