We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
