I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
