There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
