One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
