how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my liver is dry heaving
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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