carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
