do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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